Monday, February 13, 2012

A Hard Life Lesson

After reading Lakesha from Home to Three Duncan Boys speak about how hard being a mom to 3 little boys and the stress, judgement and expectations that are felt by a mom I felt that I needed to share a story with you.  I don't want to get on my soap box and rant on but I do want to encourage each one of you to try to see what others are going through.

My 14 year old son recently had to learn that sometimes doing the right thing comes with hard consequences.  Max was asked by a teacher to go check on a boy that was on crutches in the bathroom.  Apparently he had been gone a while.  My son walked in on a group of boys smoking.  He stuck his head in the bathroom and told the boy that the teacher wanted him back in class.  When he was leaving he was told "you didn't see anything here."  He returned to class and thought about what he just saw.  It bothered him and he immediately found me after school to tell me what had just happened and that he wanted to speak to the dean.  The dean quickly went to that bathroom and found the evidence.  Max and I both assumed that the boys were smoking cigarettes.  Never in a million years did my naive mind think that Marijuana was involved.    Needless to say the boys were suspended from school and the wrath of angry fellow classmates came crashing down on Max.  The girls were the worst. Most of the kids were smart about verbalizing their threats and insults instead of sending notes or text.  Fortunately Max does not have a Facebook for them to retaliate with.  We had high school kids tell him not to bother coming to school with them next year and even a few drove by the house to yell remarks at him.

The worst part of all was that one of the boys was Max's volleyball teammate.  In 3 days they were to play for the county championship.  This boy was very athletic and a key player for the team.  The majority of the girls volleyball team told him that they would now loose the big game.  Very little negative comments were made about this particular boy or any of the other boys that made a very poor decision.  Now I must say that there were some really great kids and parents that were supportive of Max and told him how proud they were of him.  Then there were the parents that avoided me like the plague or ignored me all together.  The head coach (who is a "strong Christian")of the volleyball team never acknowledge any of the events.  Winning was more important than doing the right thing.  The team did lose the championship game.  More comments were made, but it quickly died down.

It is important to say that my son in by no means perfect.  He is a typical 14 year old boy.  However this was a sign of maturity and courage by him.  One that I am very proud of.

It died down at school and things got back to normal for Max.  But I was mad!  How could these parents let their children behave like that?  How could they behave like that?  Some of these parents I was friendly with.  I have had a hard time letting this go.  I felt like I was being picked on too!  To make matters worse they have let their daughters date these boys??!!  I still do not understand.

My purpose for sharing this story with you is to remind everyone that support makes a big difference.  Women should lift each other up, not shoot them down.  There is so much competition between moms these days as to who has the smartest, prettiest, best dressed, most athletic, etc... that we forget that these are children.  They are not prize show dogs.  Each child is different.  Encourage each other, help each other for we are all in this together.



Olive Cooper said...

I would be proud of Max too and also feel as you do. High school life seems petty most days and my kiddo is ten times happier at college now. Most times being popular means you lose a part of your character if not your soul.

Anonymous said...

I am so proud to call you my friend! You are an awesome mom. Your kids and hubby are very blessed to have you. Love ya girl!

Katie @ Wildwood Creek said...

Well said. I love this quote.

L.Duncan@SisterWithStyle said...

Oh my word... You know, something similar happened to a friend of mine. It was a case with the cheer leader team. I remember it like it was yesterday. The interesting thing about this is that now Facebook is available, they try to be friends with her now.

Thank you Lacy for opening your heart and sharing this story. Sometimes something as little as another mother sharing her story helps a lot! It reminds us that we are not alone and if we are brave enough we would see that.

Your son sounds like a great kid! I hope mine is as brave as he is one day:-)

Lori E said...

You always know the right thing to do because it is the hard thing to do. Now quit beaming so brightly cause we have to get some sleep and your pride is glowing like the northern lights. Lol.

Anonymous said...

I'm proud of you AND your great son!! Life is hard, but every situation should face the "right thing" question. We all fail with some decisions, but if we go for the "right thing to do", it gets easier and easier to "do right".
Blessings to you and your son. He is growing up to be a wonderfully responsible person...we need as many of those as we can get :^)

Susan said...

Thank God for kids like Max - a school hero and caring friend!! Who knows how many silently watching kids were changed for the better by his actions!

Lisa Montsion said...

It's hard being a mom but there is a lot of joy in it too.